Okay, so how do you not read a book with a title such as Help! I Can’t Stop Shitting Snakes? Like seriously. How do you see this on your desk and not want to read it. So, kudos to Michael Bettendorf for the stellar name and living up to the name with a book where our main character does in fact shit snakes. Help! I Can’t Stop Shitting Snakes is an intriguing and captivating story that had me from the title.
Adam has been shitting snakes for weeks; a secret he’s kept from his partner, Darby. They’ve been building a life together despite multiple setbacks in having children, and after Darby finds out about the snakes, she is supportive as can be—considering she’s terrified of snakes. The doctors, on the other hand, don’t buy it. They gaslight Adam, telling him he probably just needs to change his diet and exercise.
As his condition worsens, countless doctors tell him there is nothing to worry about, and Darby might be pregnant… So Adam hatches a plan to expel the snakes and prove to his doctors once and for all he is not full of shit—he’s full of snakes.
With a title such as Help! I Can’t Stop Shitting Snakes, the book has something to live up to, and in this case it does. Using such a fantastical ailment to portray just gets me to read the book in the first place, then I can understand what the author is attempting to do. Bettendorf crafts a story that proves the title is correct, but also digs deeper into what it is like trying to diagnose things in the current medical system in addition to what true love looks like.
Snakes are, by their nature, terrifying. Slithering and quiet, dangerous and deadly. So if I happened to be shitting snakes, I definitely would be terrified. Somehow, Adam deals with it with a bit more calm than I would. However, as a father of a child with some ailments that were unable to be diagnosed for over two years (he is only five at the time of writing this review), I could really feel the point Bettendorf was trying to nail home. Take two of these and if things don’t change, come back. Seriously, the dude is shitting snakes.
Each and every time Adam would go back to the doctors and have them give broad reasons for stomach pain and not addressing the fact that the snakes are some how coming out of his ass, made me angrier and angrier, as it should for every reader, but especially knowing what this feeling is like. Oh its probably this, but do you see what is going on, yes, but try this, but its not that, go ahead do this. It’s infuriating and somehow Bettendorf is able to portray this and does so with a truly outrageous concept that works wonderfully.
Beyond the medical system analogy, there is a sense of true love and what it means to be with a person that loves you no matter what, even if the thing they fear the most is coming out of your derriere. Being there for those you love, holding their hands, and hoping for a better future. It’s what it’s all about when with the person you are meant to be with. Not to mention how not to act at the same time.
What started with an incredible name turned out to be something so much more meaningful and close to home than I had imagined.
Help! I Can’t Stop Shitting Snakes is much more than a ridiculous title and an equally ridiculous premise. Michael Bettendorf delivers a bizarre and at times hilarious story that underneath all those snakes is a surprisingly heartfelt and frustratingly relatable. Bettendorf takes one of the most outrageous concepts imaginable and turns it into something unexpectedly emotional and truly thought-provoking.
Help! I Can’t Stop Shitting Snakes hits bookstores everywhere on January 12, 2027 from CLASH Books.
